“Not Star Wars The Clone Wars, But Still Trying to Be.” (Star Wars Rebels: Spark of Rebellion)

Star Wars Rebels
Yeah sure, put the two women in the back where they belong! Or do they? Isn’t the Twi’lek supposed to be flying the ship? Why is the bratty kid doing her job?

I don’t trust Disney with Star Wars. It’s well known fact, but I thought I should just say it again. Now, it’s not that I have some sort of bias against Disney, (we did get The Avengers directly after they acquired Marvel Comics) but mainly they’ve shown me nothing that makes me trust them. First, they disbanded Lucasarts and layed off it’s hundreds of workers, and in the process destroying 1313, a ridiculously cool looking video game. Then, they ripped apart the Expanded Universe, declaring that everything except the movies were non-canon. Then, they replaced the in pre-production live-action TV show about bounty hunters in the Courascanti underworld with this one, an animated kids show about the birth of the rebellion. And people ask me why I’m not excited for Star Wars Rebels.

On the planet of Lothal, a young boy named Ezra makes a living role-playing as Aladdin. But, that all changes when he meets a bunch of rebels, who continually try to kill him until they decide against it, and take him aboard their ship for whatever reason. For the rest of the episode, they put up with him breaking into their private rooms (that were locked for a reason), whining about helping the people who saved his life, spying on secret meetings, and just aimlessly wandering around and pestering them until they can get the chance to take him back home. Then he saves one baby Wookie, and everyone misses him after he leaves.

Starkiller and Rebels (FU2)
Can we get Starkiller back? He assembled the rebellion a lot better than I’m sure these guys can.

Is this what passes for good kids TV these days? Because back in my day, I was watching marathons of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. It seems like Clone Wars is the show that Rebels is attempting to emulate, and failing miserably, might I add. Immediately, I was thrown into the action, with no idea what was going on. Who is this kid? Who are these people that are trying to steal crates of unspecified value? What’s in the crates? WHY?

I don’t care about any of these characters, and the bland script paired with the noticeably bad voice acting makes it worse. I was continually surprised at the use of Stormtroopers as slapstick comedy, whether they were shot, blown up, run over, electrocuted, thrown around like dead meat, or kicked off of a pole to fall to their deaths. The whole episode was mostly a compendium of confusion, awkward jokes that didn’t land, and a surprisingly large amount of happenstance and violence. You know, I was ready to give this show a chance. But after watching the pilot, I was so underwhelmed that I trust Disney even less with Star Wars now. Here’s hoping J.J. Abrams will do a better job. 5 out of 10.

Rebels is not funny, not interesting, not impressive, and is certainly not good. Maybe I’m not their target demographic, but I still feel like I should have a say in this. For the first time in a long while, I can definitively say that I don’t like where Star Wars is going.

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