“Hey Look, This Movie is Pretty Bad!” (X-Men: The Last Stand)

X-Men The Last Stand (Poster)
The poster for The Last Stand, from 2006.

Why? Why? WHY? BRETT RATNER!!!

When scientists invent a cure for mutation, the X-Men must stand against Magneto’s brotherhood of mutants as they try to do… Something. Seriously? What was Magneto planning to do when he finally did what I’m assuming he wanted to do?

Watch, as Brett Ratner kills off your favorite mutants, cuts your favorite mutants from the script, ruins the character of your favorite mutants, adds in new mutants that ultimately do nothing, and totally make you wish that this movie never existed.

The first two X-Men movies were awesome. Then along came The Last Stand. I’m going to categorize my complaints in a large list, so as to avoid confusion. (There will be major SPOILERS for X-Men: The Last Stand ahead)

Deaths

Angel (The Last Stand)
Angel, escaping from the Cure.

To be honest, there were only a few deaths in this movie that I really cared about, but those ones were absolutely terrible. Cyclops. One of the awesomest X-Men ever to grace the movies with his presence died. He was called to the lake by a supposedly dead Jean, and then they kiss when they meet, and you get to see his skin ripple a bit before they go back to the School for the Gifted, where everyone suddenly knows something has happened. When they get there, all that’s left of Scott Summers are his glasses.

Patrick Stewart has survived near-invisible alien beings, Cardassian torturers, the Borg, almost all of Macbeth (which is an impressive feat), and dodged a bullet by not being in A Good Day to Die Hard. However, now, he simply gets disintegrated by Jean Grey. It’s totally glossed over, until everyone cries (yes, even Wolverine) and they have a touching funeral. The deaths weren’t done very well, and they were completely unnecessary. Ratner could have had Scott slow down Jean and escape, and still establish her character as evil, while building Scott’s at the same time. It’s not always the success that makes the audience see Jean as evil. Audiences are smart that way. All we need to see is the attempt.

Kitty vs. Juggernaut (The Last Stand)
As much as I complain, this was an awesome scene.

Cuts

Nightcrawler was in X2. He was not in The Last Stand. Alan Cumming (the actor who played Nightcrawler in X2) specifically said that the reason he didn’t return was because of Ratner, and he would have signed back on for The Last Stand if Bryan Singer (X-Men, X2) was the director. Ratner was going to recast him, but then decided against it, as Nightcrawler’s part was small. Personally, I would be interested in any size part for Nightcrawler.

Character Undevelopment

Some characters got pretty awesome, or at least better than they originally were, like Iceman. However, Rogue, everyone’s favorite teenage hero, is absolutely ruined. Rogue has the extraordinary power to absorb the life force of anyone she touches. However, after falling in love with Iceman (they’re a great couple), she decides to take the cure, and throw her gift away forever, destroying her future as one of the X-Men. She does all of this so she can hug her boyfriend.

Rogue, Going for the Cure (The Last Stand)
Hey, look! It’s Rogue, about to throw her life away!

This is a TERRIBLE message to be sending to young girls. To give up an amazing power and opportunity to work with the freaking X-MEN just so she can fit in is unacceptable. The fact that she does this to stay in a relationship with a boy makes it even worse. I don’t even know why she would think that she needs to touch Bobby for them to really love each other. She wears gloves all of the time, how do you think she isn’t a mass murderer yet?

Doing Nothing With Added Characters

There were a whole lot of new characters in this movie. Angel, Beast, Kitty Pryde, Colossus, Juggernaut, Multiple Man, Quil (who is affectionately referred to by me as The Human Porcupine), and all of those other stupid looking, throwaway, nameless mutants from the Brotherhood. Some of those people I liked, like Angel, Colossus, or Multiple Man. My problem is that they did practically nothing. It was pretty hard to like them, because there was no material to get to know them from.

Are There any Good Things?

Iceman vs. Pyro (The Last Stand)
Iceman vs. Pyro, also one of the high points of the movie.

I know, I’ve spent the entire post complaining. Thank you for letting me vent on you. Anyway, the entire movie wasn’t bad. I liked some of the characters, and while certain points in the plot were lacking, it was entertaining. I guess I just feel cheated, because the first two movies were so good. Though, the whole thing culminated in one moment, where a recently cured Magneto was playing chess in the park. The camera zoomed in on the board, with the metal pieces, and then you see Magneto’s hand reach at one of the pieces. Then, it wobbles, just enough to be noticeable. It cuts to black for the credits, and music plays. Except then, the first credit they show is the director, Brett Ratner. 5 out of 10.

X-Men: The Last Stand is most definitely not the final chapter I had been hoping for for the X-Men trilogy. Characters are killed, cut, ruined, or otherwise tarnished by too little screen time. The plot doesn’t make too much sense, but is entertaining nonetheless. Definitely not what I wanted, but not too bad… I guess?

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